Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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