all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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