No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
