Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
