u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
