It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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