you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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