They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
