I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
