if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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