your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
