dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize