No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
