i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We got so high we made milksteak
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
