im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
