imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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