and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I just sharted jello shots
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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