i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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