Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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