So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
