Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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