dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
