So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
