This is not my ceiling
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
