But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
