I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
