1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
