So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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