make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
