Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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