just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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