i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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