I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
