the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
