Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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