pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
