i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
