My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Congratulations! We have a period
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