He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
