Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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