im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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