is this the sara with the beer cane?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
