I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize