I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
