last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
