you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it because I queefed?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
