I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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