I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize