Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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