FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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