I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
