Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize