yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
