Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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