so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
