How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
