when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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