Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
