I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
