No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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