Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
