before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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