it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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