I'm really into asian looking animals
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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