It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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